Life is so crazy right now. It has been for a while, but especially right now.
So much of my stress if because of Mock Trial. What did I say about it before? Did I mention that I hate it? Well I do. We all do. We are very unprepared for Monday (which is when the trail it) and are in no way expecting to win. Probably not the best attitude, but we can not do anything better than that. I have the fewest things to do and I feel overwhelmed. I have to work on objections. I'm an attorney for defense so it is part of my job (as well as the other attorney's) to object to protect our witnesses. The thing is, they are so confusing. We have to remember what classifies as hearsay, ambiguity etc. and the actual name. All on the spot in the second that a question is asked when it is not supposed to be. Not easy for someone who doesn't like to argue unless she's really mad (me!!!). Mock Trial is so hard. If I was interested in it, it would be less hard. But considering I would never in my dizziest day dreams become anything that would have to regularly go to court, the complicated stuff that I'm supposed to know like the back of my hand goes right over my head. I can not adequately explain Mock Trial and all the agony it has caused me and my family (all I do is complain about it). Every single little detail in the case is important and it's just too much for me.
On top of that I was terrified of moving out of the ward. We've been looking for a place to move forever since there's no room for a baby where we live and there was less and less hope for finding a place in our ward. I couldn't imagine losing everything I do with all these people everyday. Seminary, mutual, Sunday School, activities, dances. It was my whole life. Then the nightmare actually happened and it was announced that we were moving to Azusa. We are moving to Azusa. I cried all weekend. I hung by a thread all weekend, barely keeping from crying unless I was already crying. It wasn't only my ward friends being taken away from me. I was already losing my friends from CC. One girl's moving (most likely to New York), two people are going to public school. I'm going to a Shakespeare class with one girl next year, taught by her mom, who taught my CC class this year, but other than that, I'm losing everybody. And my church friends on top of it.
So now, everyday I have to think about how I'll be leaving and how much my life will change. Not to mention packing! Oh my goodness. We have so much to do and only one week left to pack. So stressful. Such a load on your shoulders when you have to pack.
And seminary. I still love it. But it's getting harder to get up everyday and I feel like I never get enough sleep. And I want to get the Stake President's award, which has extra requirements for going to extra mile in seminary. So I have to work on that. I have one scripture mastery left. :) And I'm so scared about seminary next year. I'm so scared I'm going to be disappointed. Guess what time it's at? We thought we'd get away with something later, but no, we got five extra minutes. 5:50.
My only comfort is the scriptures. It's strange, because I don't know why. They've never been like that for me before. I guess it just provides the comfort and reassurance that I need, while distracting me so I don't have to think about why I need that comfort. Because if I think too hard about my life, all I can do is cry.
And I haven't read a book since Christmas. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard. Sigh. I hate to end on this note, but I've got nothing else to say.
